If you watch the oil industry backwards, it’s about cars driving around mostly in reverse, sucking hydrocarbons and CO2 out of thin air, and converting them into a highly flammable liquid. When the car’s on-board tank is full, the liquid can be sold at special sucking stations for an exorbitant amount of money. The liquid is then processed into a foul-smelling sludge, that Arab nations buy in vast quantities to pump into voids in their grounds. In what amounts to a really long time, that sludge is transformed into fully functional whales and dinosaurs.
The fortune cookie was invented in San Francisco in 1909, at the Japanese Tea Garden Restaurant. In 1916, Los Angeles noodle manufacturer David Jung claimed to be the inventor, but a San Francisco court ruled that Makoto Hagiwara, caretaker of Golden Gate Park’s Japanese Tea Garden, was the creator of the cookies, which he served to guests of the gardens.
1)Play him: guys have emotions too. and girls can be just as big of players as guys.
2)Not pay attention: guys try to be tough. i’m not going to lie. but when they’re willing to open up their hearts for you, don’t go off with the “omg i know exactly what you mean blah blah (insert your own personal story)”. it means that you’re important to him.
3)Don’t hook up with other guys that he knows: He’ll get really jealous, even if he doesn’t like you. if you talk to him regularly, don’t do anything you’ll regret. he’ll regret it too.
4)Deny his kindness: If he wants to hold doors open for you, pay for you, even carry you when your feet hurt, don’t tell him no. If he likes you, he’ll do so many things for you if you just let him.
5)Deny your beauty: Don’t call yourself ugly in front of him, whether it be because you want a compliment or you actually believe it. if he says you’re beautiful, believe it. That’s how you are to him. and if you want a compliment, all you have to do is hug him, or look at him in the eyes, and you shall get your tales of self beauty from him.
6)Let him go: When you find a guy you like, don’t let him go. if he seems like he’s worth it to you, go for it. chances are you’ll have the time of your life with him, even if it doesn’t last forever.
7)Vent to him and not expect him to like you: Don’t open your hearts, cry to him, run to him for support, or vent to him in any way if you don’t want him to like you. it’ll happen.
8)Don’t treat him like other guys: He’s not a typical guy if he treats you like a princess.
9)Tell him to stay away from the people he loves: Yes, he might be friends with other girls, but if they’re his best friend since he was little, don’t tell him to leave her.
10)Make him stop old habits: If he did drugs before, accept it. it’s not cool for you to change him.
11)Don’t treat him differently in person than through messaging: Don’t go around texting him like you’re in love and he’s your bff, and when you see him in person you say hi once, and leave. it’s fucked up and it confuses him.
12)Don’t not accept his compliments: It’s kinda repeated, but when you say “ew, no i’m ugly”, it makes him feel like he’s doing a bad job at caring for you. trust me.
13)DON’T BE AFRAID TO KISS HIM FIRST: IF YOU FEEL THE FUCKING MOMENT IS RIGHT, KISS HIM. HE MIGHT BE TOO NERVOUS. FUCK.
14)Don’t be afraid to let him “do you” lol: If a guy wants to “eat you out” don’t say no, most of the time he wants to pleasure you without receiving anything in return.
15)Don’t point out his flaws either: If you say “oh look, you have some fat here!” or, “it sucks that you don’t have definition on your arms” it’ll fucking haunt him forever.
16) Don’t make it a contest to see who loves each other more: He doesn’t want to lose, but if he wins he feels like an ass. lose-lose either way, so don’t do it.
17)Don’t act like he’s a robot: He’s human, he cries, he screams, he can feel physical and emotional pain, he has limits and he can only control so much. don’t push him.
18)Go on adventures with him: He’ll protect you as much as he can, so don’t worry to wander off, it usually ends up being the time of your life.
19) DRUGS: Drugs can do so much, yet so little. depending on who you are and who you’re with drugs can add a little bit of edge. there’s nothing like going to an alternate reality and exploring with your lover.
20) EVERY GUY MASTURBATES. DON’T JUDGE HIM: Every guy does it, at some point, no matter who they are, they will reach a moment in their lives where they do it on a daily basis, and they won’t care where. so don’t make fun of him.
P.S.) if he says he loves you more, and he’s not a tool or drunk or high, It’s true.
Do you prefer to be the little spoon or the big spoon: i'd want a little spoon for the ice cream we'd be having at basking robins
Clothing- optional or required: i can wear your shorts you let me kidnap.
Right side or left side of the bed: we'd be playing xbox, so whichever side of the screen you want you'd be on that side
Can we have sex afterwards: if by sex, you mean can we teabag the people we've destroyed? yes!
If yes, would that be legal: always legal to teabag, just not good taste
Why should I accept you as my cuddle partner: because you loveeee me :D
such a well qualified candidate we got here. We’ll hold your application on file for you and do our best to contact you in a timely manner <3
Name: Age: Do you prefer to be the little spoon or the big spoon: Clothing- optional or required: Right side or left side of the bed: Can we have sex afterwards: If yes, would that be legal: Why should I accept you as my cuddle partner:
This is cute so do it.
PLEASE,PLEASE DO THIS.
there should be a “what movie would we watch” question included.